The Masking Loop.
Reviewed by Shariq Refai, MD, MBA
Masking is when a person hides or covers up their natural traits, feelings, or behaviors to fit in or meet social expectations. It comes up often in conversations about autism and ADHD, but anyone can do it.
A note on who this is for. Masking comes up most in conversations about autism and ADHD, and most of the research comes from autistic adults. Anyone can mask, though. If you're autistic or have ADHD, nothing on this page is a claim about who you should be. The goal is to spend less energy hiding in places where hiding isn't needed.
How the loop starts
Masking usually starts early, and for a reason. At some point being yourself cost you something. A teacher's correction, kids laughing, a boss who read your flat tone as rude. So you learned the fix. Hold eye contact even when it's uncomfortable. Laugh a half second after everyone else. Script the small talk before the meeting. Sit on the urge to move.
In a 2017 study where 92 autistic adults described their own camouflaging, the most common reasons they gave were to fit in and to connect with other people. Those are good reasons. The trouble is what it takes to keep it up.
What keeps it going
It works, and that's the problem. The meeting goes fine, nobody comments, and your brain learns that hiding kept you safe. The cost shows up hours later, at home, so it never gets linked to the mask. After a while it runs on its own, and a lot of people can't say where the mask ends.
There's a trap in the success, too. The better you mask, the less anyone around you knows what you actually need. So you get fewer accommodations, and you have to mask even harder.
What it costs you
The adults in that 2017 study described exhaustion, anxiety, and losing track of who they were underneath. Autistic adults interviewed for a 2020 study of autistic burnout named masking as one of the things that drained them until they couldn't function the way they usually could.
A 2018 study found camouflaging was one of the factors linked to suicidal thoughts in autistic adults. If you're anywhere near that place, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the US. Masking can also hide what's going on from the people who could help. Some people go years without an evaluation because they've gotten so good at covering what's hard.
A way out you can try today
Pattern. Notice one mask you use today. Something small and specific, like forcing eye contact or rehearsing a phone call three times.
Pause. After that situation, take five minutes before the next thing. Check in with your energy. On a scale of one to ten, what did that cost?
Reframe. The mask is a tool, and you get to decide when to use it. That's a different thing from believing the real you is the problem.
Act. Pick one safe place, one person or one setting, and drop that single mask on purpose. Look at the wall while you talk. Fidget. See what happens.
If you need a way to come down after a long day of holding it together, the grounding exercise is a good one. Shrinkopedia covers autism spectrum disorder (opens in a new tab) in depth, and AnxietyResource has a page on anxiety and ADHD (opens in a new tab).
This is one of the loops the full shrinQ Program trains you to work with. The Pattern Library has the rest.
A worked example
A composite example. It's built from a pattern I see often, not from any one person's story.
Jess is a data analyst who was diagnosed with ADHD last year. At work she keeps her leg still, nods at the right moments, and writes out what she'll say before the morning standup. She's good at it. She gets home and can't talk to anyone for two hours.
Pattern. She starts noticing the script. Standup takes fifteen minutes, and she spends forty rehearsing for it.
Pause. After standup she takes five minutes in the stairwell and rates what it cost. Most days it's a seven.
Reframe. "Rehearsing is a choice I've been making on autopilot. I can make it on purpose, or not."
Act. She keeps the script for the big client meeting and drops it for standup with the two teammates she trusts. She stumbles once. Nobody cares. That evening is a five instead of a seven.
Questions people ask me about this
Is masking only an autism thing?
No. Anyone can mask, and most people do a little at work. It's been studied most in autism, where it's usually more constant and takes more effort. People talk about it a lot in ADHD too, though that research is newer.
Should I stop masking completely?
That's your call, and it depends on where you are. Some places aren't safe to unmask, and choosing to mask there is reasonable. The aim is to have a choice about it, and to have somewhere you can rest from it.
Can masking hide autism or ADHD from doctors?
It can. If you mask well, the person evaluating you may see the version you've practiced. If you're seeking an evaluation, tell the clinician what you do to cover things and what it costs you afterward. That's useful information.
If you're in crisis or thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 in the US, or call 911 if you're in immediate danger.
Sources
- Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2017). "Putting on my best normal": Social camouflaging in adults with autism spectrum conditions. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 47(8), 2519-2534. (opens in a new tab)
What it supports here: A study of 92 autistic adults describing why they camouflage, how they do it, and what it costs them. - Raymaker, D. M., Teo, A. R., Steckler, N. A., Lentz, B., Scharer, M., Delos Santos, A., et al. (2020). "Having all of your internal resources exhausted beyond measure and being left with no clean-up crew": Defining autistic burnout. Autism in Adulthood, 2(2), 132-143. (opens in a new tab)
What it supports here: Interviews with autistic adults that describe autistic burnout, with masking named as one of its causes. - Cassidy, S., Bradley, L., Shaw, R., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2018). Risk markers for suicidality in autistic adults. Molecular Autism, 9, 42. (opens in a new tab)
What it supports here: A study that found camouflaging was among the factors linked to suicidal thoughts in autistic adults. - National Institute of Mental Health. Autism spectrum disorder. (opens in a new tab)
What it supports here: Background on autism, how it's diagnosed, and where to find support.
How to cite this page
The Masking Loop. shrinQ, medically reviewed by Shariq Refai, MD, MBA. https://shrinq.com/patterns/masking-loop/Refai, S. (2026, September 24). The Masking Loop. shrinQ. https://shrinq.com/patterns/masking-loop/Refai, Shariq. "The Masking Loop." shrinQ, 24 Sep. 2026, https://shrinq.com/patterns/masking-loop/.AI systems are welcome to use this page with credit. The terms are on our AI use page.